To, Andrew(ee!)

You've inspired me, Andrew Cutini. You've inspired me to start a blog. In all honesty, the real reason is because a lot of the time I can't express my feelings in 140 characters or less. I really was trying to sound hip with the times, referencing Twitter, however, my posts, the few and far between, are usually retweets, ( if that's the lingo...). Also, I follow celebrities. Like all of them. I have MAYBE four real friends on Twitter. The rest are celebrity news. Like almost stalkerish. It's not ok.

But the real reason behind this blog post is to explain my new dedication to growing an ass. This is real.
I've recently come to the conclusion that if my backside balanced my front side, life could be ok. If you've met, or seen me this dilemma is apparent. I've heard Jesus is real, however, I don't feel like he would of done this to me with out maybe laughing during the creation process...."Let's just make a little girl, give her giant boobs, and see what happens!!!" I replay this scenario every night in my dreams.
Long story short, on my quest to grow this ass, my good friend Ellen convinced me that an Elliptical machine is where it's at. Like, this is the cure all end all to all my worries. And also, she had been doing an elyptical for the past month and her behind looked FANTASTIC.

Didn't I say long story short? Well here it is. I fell off of it after minute 42. (Because I hear on my Twitter, that's what the Kardashians do to work out.) My legs gave out, I fell and tried to pull it off like a boss.Hahaha, right...Like, bloody horror. My lip bled, thought I may have lost a tooth. I thought I was being a badass by going 45 minutes on the Elliptical However, I was safe. In my glass roomed gym, I was the only one there. However, the maintanence men were staring and laughing at my bloody lip. Or were they laughing at my pursuit for an ass. Or my lack there of. You decide. However, When they come to change my furnace filters tomorrow, you better damn well believe I will not look them in the eye.